I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
