dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
