I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
