i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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