This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
