Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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