this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
