filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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