Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
