His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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