All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
