I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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