This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
another moral hangover. fuck.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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