people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
