Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
