My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
