my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
