Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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