I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
