big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
