peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
