Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
