i would punch a child for taco bell
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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