Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
