This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
