i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
