I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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