The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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