Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
