whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
