If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
