cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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