Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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