It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
