my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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