What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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