I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
