I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
