I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
