i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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