if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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