No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
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