My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We are all done wearing pants today
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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