i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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