just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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