Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
ok first of all what the fuck
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
