She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
