she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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