Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
