you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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